2009

Woodsfield, Ohio; The Not So Friendly Mayberry Town

Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2009             2:28 a.m.

It was a warm August morning, the day my children and I arrived in Woodsfield, Ohio. At first glance the village resembled what many of you may remember as the 1960s television program called “the Andy Griffith Show”. Like Mayberry, it appeared to be a clean, quiet little country community, with very little traffic. It reminded me of the type place where everyone cares and respects each other. You know what I’m talking about. The simple little country town where you would never expect that they would look down their nose at the less fortunate. Well… unfortunately for us, the Village of Woodsfield turned out to be far from the Mayberry first impression it cast. Actually, now that I’m here, I know that outsiders aren’t welcome, so it’s begun to resemble HELL!
You see, for two and a half years, I have sat back and watched as my family has been picked apart. I have taken mental note of all the derogatory, sarcastic looks and responses that we have received from members of this community. For the record, there is only one term to describe such behavior; the word is ethnocentrism. Now, for those of you that are unfamiliar with university language, a Yale University, Political and Social Science professor Graham Summer coined the term “ethnocentrism”. It refers to the emotionally abusive actions of one (or more) people, who judge others according to their own standards, instead of taking the time to completely understand the person as a unique and worthy individual. Such a phenomea occures when people experiance what is known as "culture shock" or events outside “their” norm. But then, what is the so called “norm” in today’s society? It changes so much can we even describe it?
The fact is we live in America; the melting pot, where our society is made up of a collage of different heritage, culture, and traditions. If anything, Americans should have grown more open-minded when faced with change by now. I mean look back over the last hundred years. What do you see? I know what I see. I see a society that is going ballistic over today’s youth. They believe that the saggy pants and over sized tee shirts wearing kids today are gang affiliated. This is simply not true. These kids are no different from those of you that were rebels in your own time. So quit casting preverbal stones because I know each and every generation has been touched by fashion change, change that has shaped the fashion industries time after time. I’m talking about the “greasers” who slicked back their hair, wore jeans and white tee shirts in the 50s. I’m talking about the longhaired, bell-bottom wearing, do it all in the name of peace, flower children that smoked weed (among other things) in the 60s. I’m talking about the 80’s rock-n-roller that probably still wishes parachute pants and cut off shirts that showed everything was in fashion. I’m talking about the same type of double standards that every American child faces as they attempt to declare their independence! I’m talking about a society that is judging my children and my family without ever given us a chance! I’m talking about hypocrisy!
The fact is, for years I had struggled as a single mother, trying to provide what I thought was best for my children. My efforts have included moving them from one place to another, and this move was yet another attempt at “progress”; a term that I know from experience requires dedication, and patience. In other words, I’m not saying that I am perfect, or that I consider our lives so far a complete failure. What I am saying is that after two years worth of psychology courses, I felt much better equipped to face life’s challenges. Matter a fact; it was my college level training that taught me three years ago that Seattle life was far from what I wanted my children to experience. Therefore, desperate times called for desperate measures. With out second thought, I made a decision to take my children back to simplicity, which is why I chose a rural community, in Monroe County, Ohio.
You see, I’ve lived in my share of small communities. I know how a town this size can influence a child’s self-esteem and most the time the effects are positive. However, this is not happening here. Instead of following the “golden rule”, many of you prefer to spend your time gossiping and spreading rumors. Personally, I don’t feel the need to publish names. Instead, I wish to single out some of the rumors that I’ve heard about. For instance, some of you think that because I have children running in and out of my house, that my home is a “drug or skank” house. For your information, this is NOT true. IF you had taken the time to get to know me, you would see that I am a woman who will assist anyone, especially a child. Actually, I am a “street MoM” to over 200 children, and I have spent the past 15+ years informally performing social work duties for children and adults of all ages; including but not limited to working with runaways, abused children, delinquents’, the homeless, and other families who were at risk. Academically, I have already completed 115 credits toward my bachelor’s degree in Applied Psychology, because I hope to eventually secure a position with the federal prison system. Not to mention the fact that I am a suicide interventionist, who possesses numerous reference letters, and awards. In other words, feel free to stop by, we’ll have coffee and I’ll show you my pedigree. Maybe you will learn something or even better, maybe you will make a friend. You see, I’m proud of who I am, because I know that I center my life around helping others over come life’s challenges; even when those challenges consists of heart ache that is caused by a community that doesn’t want to change.
In closing, I want to convey that I will no longer be tolerating the abusive behaviors of those around me. You see gossip, when derogatory, is slander. Slander and bullies that commit it, are what causes children like13-year-old Megan Meier from Dardenne Prairie, Missouri to hang herself in 2006. It’s also what caused Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold from Columbine High School to open fire, killing 13 and wounding 23 in 1999. Unfortunately, they didn’t realize that slander is punishable when the victim chooses to pursue it., which for the record, I am! Therefore, before you listen to the wild acquisitions, please (for your sake and others) be a good neighbor and seek the truth. Don’t allow your own ethnocentric thoughts cloud your judgment. THINK before you commit slander and hurt others. After all, you wouldn’t want the effects of this to happen to your family.

Coffee talk~The new beginning

Thursday, Feb. 26, 2009             1:06 a.m.

Once upon a time, a woman began to journal her thoughts. Her goal was to leave a legacy for her children along with anyone else who may need to know that they are not alone in their daily endeavors. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, her pride and life began to get in the way. Then one day the lady stopped publishing her words. This caused a chain reaction. First, it caused others to wonder what happen. Second, it forced the lady to bottle everything up inside because she no longer had the outlet for her emotions.
Today, I am here to announce that it is time that the woman reappears and apologizes both to the public and to herself. You see, I am tired of hiding how I feel behind a clown’s mask. I know it cannot always be perfect. Nevertheless, it is not always easy to admit that life slid backwards again. So here it goes.
Update:
I am 36 now.
Education: I am in my senior year of college and I am studying Applied Psychology. To my amazement, I have maintained wonderful grades (3.456), and have received many awards and recommendations.
Relationship wise: I am engaged to Keith Daugherty. He is a 32 year old, wonderful, fun loving, kind, considerate man, and we hope to be married August 3, 2009.
Living arrangements: Keith and I are currently buying out two story 4 bedroom home in SE Ohio. However we plan to move the kids away from here as soon as the house is paid off, because this area is not the type of place we want to be in. (Will explain that more later as time goes by.)
The kids: Well star is grown and married. She lives in Texas w/ her husband Jason and daughters Nevaeh and Faith. In addition, she is preggers again. Not sure how far along. Dylan is 16 now, no girlfriend right now, but then he needs some time to focus on his own self. (will explain that more later too). Karin just turned 13. She is struggling w/ being a teen and she is a true handful. For those who remember Star’s teen years watch out this one will shock ya!. Ellie is the baby. Still content at 11 to be the baby though she does look much older. OH and all 3 that are home are home schooled….
Me personally, Im struggeling with my own issues. I’m trying to continue my schooling. Maintain my GPA, keep up w/ household stuff, and battle the community of ethnocentric fools that think they know my family. To say the least I am struggeling to stay sain, which is why It is time I come back to my diary and begin my life again. I know that this helps me and those who finds it so yea. Anyway…
raises her cup of coffee cheeres to u all and let us hope that I can keep with it this time.

Intrapersonal intelligence

Thursday, Feb. 26, 2009             2:26 a.m.

Your main intelligence type: Intrapersonal
Intrapersonal intelligence is the capacity to detect and discern among one's own feelings (self-knowledge) and the ability to use that knowledge for personal understanding. Individuals with this kind of intelligence are able to construct an accurate perception of themselves and use such knowledge in planning and directing their life.

The Confusion of Research

Sunday, Mar. 08, 2009             3:00 a.m.

Life is a Mystery. It is full of crazy ups and downs and lord knows I’ve experienced my share. I suppose that is what keeps me seeking the truth. I do not know. All I know is that each day leaves me more and more confused. Everything that I thought I knew is not what it seems. Therefore, I head down a new road in search of knowledge. However, I find myself wondering if I will ever truly find what I am looking for.
Is there really justice in this corrupt society? Can we ever really understand the present by examining the past? Or will we always uncover new questions in our pursuit of knowledge? These are my newest feelings as I seek to understand cults, gangs, and violence.
But I fear I will never understand anything….

About Me

Tuesday, Mar. 10, 2009             12:22 p.m.

My name is Jesilyn. I'm thirty-six yr old & I consider myself to be a mysterious spirit that is full of exotic passion.
I have survived the depths of poverty; experienced the wrath of wealth, studied several religions, evolved from several different sets of family backgrounds, suffered the hands of abuse, and now I stare life’s challenges in the eye as if I know each them by name as a survivor.
I am working diligently to gain my education so that I can eventually find my place in the field of Criminal Psychology, where I feel I can help to educate our system, and protect the less fortunate of society, while helping to reduce the recidivism rates of offenders.
Over all… I am a mother, sister, confidante, teacher, counselor, pagan-priestess, and open-minded friend. I believe everyone deserves acceptance, friendship, & a helping hand. I not only want to achieve my own goals but also want to help others achieve theirs. Therefore, you better believe I will defy the many norms of society in order to stand true to my integrity, and conquer the barriers that stands in the way of my progress.
FAIR WARNING! I am a woman who is known for my psychological debates. I may argue one, or both sides of an issue! This process allows me to become more understanding; especially to sensitive topics while under pressure.
PLEASE DO NOT take things PERSONAL, and please feel free to ask for interpretations to anything you do not understand. 

You Call Yourselves Americans; But You Make Me SICK!

Wednesday, Mar. 11, 2009             1:07 a.m.

We live in a very ethnocentric world where people spend more time judging each other than following the golden rule. Such actions have caused my kids more grief than I could ever explain, but being who I AM, I continue treating people the way that I would want to be treated, even if they are less than deserving. Believe me when I say that this is not always easy! But then, the way I see it is, you get back at people that mock you by not only living, but by living well, because at the end of the day you are the one who will find peace. With that said, I think people ought to their own. Ok, so, I would not have made the choices that Nadia made, but then I have never had my fertilized eggs in jeopardy either. Therefore, I do not really know what I would have done. What I do know is that I spent 20 years raising 4 children as a single mom, and it kills me to watch people cast stones, when they should be tending their own gardens.
I personally do not give a damn if this woman received a few food stamps. I do not care if she receives SSI for her other children! For that matter, I do not even care how many kids she had before she made her choice to try for number 7. What I care about is the fact that there are 14 children, 8 of which still sitting in the hospital that will grow up knowing that society “REJECTED” them, and harassed their mother; all because she was living in a small house that was too small and raising her children in poverty. Since when did money and fancy homes mean more than love. Didn’t you people learn nothing from the coal miners daughter? I guess not. Either way, you people call your selves Americans and yet from these posts, I would think that I am living in China! Before long, the American government will get the “tax payers” permission to enforce "population control". Is that what you want? Do you really want to make it legal for our society to decide without a trial who deserves children? That is what is going to happen if you people do not stop!
Let me put it this way, if you really are SO concerned about YOUR TAX DOLLARS… Do something to stop the senseless waste of money that is being spent on this war, and the death of our soldiers! OH, and before you people begin bashing me... Let me say, I lost my 19-year-old stepson to this war. He was barely out of high school, so I feel I have the right to speak the topic, and I would have obviously rather of had the money spent on burial fees and settlements given to Nadia to take care of those precious babies; even if I’m raising mine on next to nothing myself!
(I am NOT condoning Nadia’s actions, I’m standing up for AMERICA!).

"Can't Get Enough"

Monday, Mar. 30, 2009             12:35 a.m.

I never dreamed I would ever make it to college, let alone be sitting at a 3.456 w/ 125 (+5 that I’m working on) credits completed towards my BAAP. But here I am, and let me tell you it is bitter-sweet!
On one hand I love learning and I consume every bit of information I can, but on the other hand I am frustrated because I feel I don’t get everything I want out of my classes. I’m not saying that the classes are not valuable, I’m saying that I think the classes in general jump through the different topics so fast that you simply can’t learn everything there is to know, and when the course is done, you are left CRAVING & YEARNING for more. Makes me feel like #5 on Short Circuit when he says “NEED IMPUT!” Ok so that is a bad example but it feels real, because I want to know everything possible so that I can become the best in my field. Is this so unrealistic? I hope not!

"Crazieness times 3"

Monday, Mar. 30, 2009             1:27 a.m.

The other day I had a slight emotional breakdown. Ok, so it was more like an emotional over load than a break down.
1st one of my street children was uprooted and taken to live with her mother. For me this created a pull and tug type of emotion. I mean on one hand I knew I loved this child and would miss her dearly. Then on the other hand, I pulled out of the emotional box long enough to tell myself that she would be better off as far away from this area as she could get. I say this because the area I live in is very ethnocentric. They dislike, judge, and prosecute anything that exists outside their norm; even if prosecuting creates negative results. Anyway, She left and that was the beginning of a very emotional day.
Then a bittersweet blessing doubled my heartache as my son’s x-girlfriend re-enter our lives. You see, about this time last year Dylan became a Daddy. Ok not in the traditional sense of the word but in a platonic, emotional connection sense of the word. This happen when a 2 year old little boy, who didn’t have a loving father began calling my son Daddy… and Dylan being a child of a dead-beat dad couldn’t take it so he stepped up to provide love for this fatherless baby boy. In the process, he fell in love with the mother. Unfortunately, the woman was 23 and not only had the 2 yr old but a 5 yr old and was pregnant again! Of course Dylan was only 15 at the time so that could not happen, and by the time it could, she ran back to baby’s daddy. (An obvious mistake)… Anyway, it had been 6 months since we seen Dylan’s son and we were so excited. But, when Trenten wanted to stay upstairs w/ Daddy… well Na-Na got emotional and my mind slipped to darkness…
I started thinking about how much we miss those kids and how much I miss my own blood daughter and grand babies, and before I knew it I was in tears. Then Karin came home with an attitude and all shit hit the fan. Then Star called and WHAM I BROKE HARD. I ended up telling her many of the things I had been holding hostage in my mind, like how she destroyed me and the kids when she took herself and my grandbabies away and how that has caused me to be lenient and not want to “punish” the other 3 out of fear that one day they would leave me too. I mean I know this is not right but it is the truth. I do feel locked in a cage by fear. I never wanted to be separated by distance. All I ever wanted was to have a close net family. However, that seems so long ago now… though I think that contributes to my current issues of depression and my other physical aliments.
Anyway, my severe down was short lived. The next morning I picked myself up, embraced the time I would have w/ the babies and stayed busy. And then something happen… Ashley decided she did not want to go back. Therefore, we are trying to figure out how to keep her here and hid until her HUD kicks in and she can get into a house. So, keep your fingers crossed. I need some good energy.
P.S. I think I made a 4.0 in my last class. The grades aren't officially posted yet but I am only 1.7 points short of a perfect 100 which should b a 4.0 *smiles*